Sunday, Dec. 10, 2006 - 1:41
SO, You know how I'm constantly developing crushes on the kids in the youth group... Yeah, it's one of those. Right now I'd like to tell you how different this kid is, how... special... that's such a shit word. I'd like to tell you that I'm not just reaching out for anyone because I haven't had a crush in awhile (besides Nick Stahl). I'd even like to tell you that this isn't so much a crush as it is, I'm noticing him... but I know all of those things are things you've heard from me one thousand time over again. I'm so sick of liking kids, it makes me sick, it really does. And, I really thought I was doing okay just being alone.
Every year there is a christmas party for those in the music program at Church, It's always thrown by the same couple and they invite whoever, it's pretty open, we do a white elephant gift exchange, there's good company and it's always a lot of fun. That was last night, and the couple that throws this every year are this kids parents. You know how I'm always dreaming about crazy stuff happening when I really think I like someone or I'm nervous about coming events. I really don't think I had a crush on this kid until I started dreaming about him and this party. By the way, I keep calling him a kid, he's 15ish (if he's not 15 now he will be soon) I just don't want you to think I'm obsessing over a ten year old or something like that.
After the gift exchange a lot of people left the party, it took so much for me to leave the house I didn't want to head home right away. I always see the kids heading down stairs, but I've never felt like I could go down there on my own... You should know that, I would never go anywhere in your house until you went into that room or whatever... Someone else wanted to see the downstairs so I followed and that's how this whole thing started... sorta, but not really. The kids go down there because that's where the xbox is hooked up. All the youth that came to the party were down there playing, so I decided to sit and watch. By the time all the youth left with their parents I think I was the only adult left as well, and I wanted to embarass myself and play the game. So, I did. I had fun and I laughed heartily at myself until ten after eleven (I played for about a half hour).
I told myself that I would stop dreaming as soon as this party was over with and what I dreamed didn't happen, but when I got home the dreams were still coming and worse now. When I got up to leave I thanked him for letting me play and he asked if I had fun. You know me, I think I can't have fun doing anything if I'm in the right mood, and I was totally in the right mood, so I said I did, and I would love to "do that again" so, now, all of me dreams have to do with that. Oh, to be invited, to be wanted, to... whatever.
So, there is the crazy. That's what's new.
I'd love to tell you why I think this kid is so special. I'd even like to tell you his name, but first I gotta know if You want all the rest of the details.
This message seems too long to me already but I still want to tell you about the drinking. You have to get through this first and give a hearty slap in the face and kick in the ass.
